On that day, October 20, 1963, at the age of 10, I made a conscious decision not to speak to God anymore and instead started talking directly to my dad. I felt my father had become my "Guardian Angel" and I began asking him for guidance in all aspects of my life. Even though I felt a great anger and questioned why life had been so unfair to my family by taking him away at just 45 years of age leaving a tremendous vacuum in our hearts, I realized my father's energy had become an integral part of my being and an essential part of my soul.
Tragedy came to my doorstep again on April 5, 2010 when, after spending the most incredible 32 years together I lost my life partner. Robert was only 49 years old when he died. Once again I became angry with life, questioning why such tragegy should happen to me again while trying to understand why these things happen to beautiful and kind people like my father and the love of my life. Since his passing I had been finding signs from him everywhere spurring me to write "Special Notes for the Soul" describing how I have been receiving these messages from Robert. One year later, still deeply grieving my loss, I was desperate for something to comfort me. Recently, just after the one year anniversary of his death, I had another incredible experience leaving me feeling that I had been touched by an angel. This is how it happened.
Leaving Philadelphia after commemorating the first year anniversary of Robert's death (In Loving Memory), I took a train to New York to take care of the summer house we owned on Fire Island. The house had been rented out for the summer and it needed to be readied for the tenants. Originally I planned to stay for a few days, but being there alone for the first time since Robert's death turned out to be even more difficult than I expected so I decided to work hard and leave as soon as possible. Being alone in that house with all the beautiful memories that we created over 10 years in a place we thought of as "our piece of heaven" was unbearable. I finished and changed my flight to leave the following evening.
As I'd done with Bob so many times, I took the ferry boat from The Pines and would take a taxi to the LIRR station to catch the train to JFK Airport. Usually there are taxis waiting at the Sayville ferry station but on this day there were none. Two other ferry passengers were also waiting. I called the taxi company and was advised it would be a few minutes. When one of the other two passengers excused himself to use the restroom the other introduced himself as Quin and we began to chat.
He asked if I had come to open a house and I confirmed while also adding that I was doing this alone for the first time since my partner had passed away the year before. Quin expressed his condolences and said he was in a long term relationship for nine years and that he could not even imagine what I must be going through after such loss. The taxi arrived, the other passenger reappeared and the three of us shared the cab to the station where we went our own ways all entering different cars of the train.
Ten minutes into the ride Quin approached me and told me he had being looking for me and asked to sit down. With tears in his eyes Quin told me that from the time he was little he had a special capacity to connect to soul energy and that he was feeling a strong presence he believed was my partner's energy. Unsure whether he should speak to me about this or not, he had called a friend who also was sensitive and asked her if he should come find me. She told him he must.
Quin said that even though he had just met me and had never met Robert he felt an enormous amount of energy and love around me. He told me that Robert wants me to be happy, that he wants me to eventually meet another person to share my life with and that he would be opening doors for me. That all I have to do is listen, acknowledge and respond! Perhaps sensing my innate skepticism, very firmly Quin told me to:
- Listen to the voices in my head
- Discern between the voices that will guide me and noise
- Meditate and visualize to help me eliminate the noise and make the guiding voice clearer
- Believe without a doubt!
- All occurrences in life have a negative and positive charge
- It is my task to uncover the positive elements in my life and in the life of all those who I love.
- Get on the path and before I know it doors will open
I got off the train still not sure what had just happened and I continue on my route to JFK. I arrived on time and boarded the plane. It was a full flight and the passengers were settling in when a young gentleman arrived and told me he was sitting in the seat next to mine. He mentioned he had a bad day, was supposed to fly earlier but after he left home realized he had forgotten his passport and had to return missing his flight. He then got stuck in traffic and missed the next flight so he said it was "meant to be" that he would be sitting next to me on this flight. I didn't tell him that I had also made changes to my return flight so it seemed destiny was definitely at work in our seating assignments.
I asked him if he was going to Miami on business or pleasure and he told me he was going on a special charter cruise for investors and companies whose primary vision is to "develop the future." I asked what type of ventures he was interested in developing to which he responded, "new media and internet projects". How perfect I thought. That is precisely what I have been looking for – a means to open a door to venture capital investors interested in internet properties.
I immediately said, "I am developing a web site with a unique and innovative proposition." I quickly showed him the site on my iPhone before the plain departed from the gate. We had an interesting conversation and we have been corresponding ever since. We both changed flight plans, we ended up sitting next to each other and through Quin I had been advised that doors would be opening for me. I just hadn't imagined it was going to happen that fast, if at all.
I sent an e-mail to Quin and explained what happened to me after the train ride at the plain, and he thanked me for sharing a beautiful story. Then he said, "I didn't tell you, but as we parted that fine day at Jamaica station, Robert split his spirit. Part of it went on with you and a small part stayed with me." Quin explained the process and told me that as the train took off he was bathed in the most divine white light blanketing his entire body except for the top 1/5th of his head. This portion was bathed in yellow light. Robert was very specific about this afterglow...and the proportions.
Quin said that one day he hoped to understand this and that his 'tuned in' friends had tried to explain the meaning. He wrote that the warmth and an euphoric sensation remained with him until he arrived in NYC and then evaporated as quickly as it began.